Since the start of 2017, I have been attempting to maintain a healthier diet and inculcate more exercise into my routine. I’ve begun to comprehend the importance of both in ensuring a healthier me, physically and mentally.
I’m quite proud of myself, I daresay. I’ve been exercising rather regularly now, and am incorporating more fruits and vegetables into my diet while cutting out the less healthy foods. I’ll admit that I find it difficult to cut out sugar most of all. I love my sweets and I find that I consume something sweet (chocolate, pastry, etc) at least once a day. Sometimes, I do feel burdened by having to eat healthy all the time because a part of me misses the times when I used to eat without constantly caring about portions, calories, etc.
I feel vulnerable admitting this, but I know that the reasons behind me making this lifestyle change aren’t all healthy. A part of me wants to do this to ‘look good’. While I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong, I think it’s more important to want to keep healthy for a bigger, wholesome purpose.
During my worse days, I tend to feel like I’m too far gone – it’s too late for me to make a change. So I continue to shove junk into my system. Which, then, makes me feel worse.
I want this lifestyle alteration to make me a better, healthier and stronger person, not the other way round. I am trying very hard to not let things like calories and macros consume me too much, such that it becomes detrimental to my mental health. I will not beat myself up over a doughnut I ate. I will not deprive myself of something I terribly crave. I will not force myself to eat foods I don’t enjoy eating just to ‘keep healthy’. On the other hand, I will not excessively consume unhealthy foods. I will not exceedingly idolise fitness enthusiasts to a point where it destructs my mental health.
I will eat whatever I wish like eating in moderation. I will only integrate nutritious foods that I enjoy eating into my diet. I will use other people’s health and fitness journey strictly as motivation, whilst understanding the differences that accompany each person’s journey.
I will do this for me, for a larger purpose. I will love myself unconditionally. InsyaAllah.