It’s been so long since I last posted! 2 months, at least (I’m referring to the public posts)? I’ve completed my first term of study in university and just began my second term on Monday. Time truly flies. Alhamdulillah, for the most part, I enjoy school. I complain about assignments/ teachers/ etc from time to time, but my dissatisfaction is often short-lived. I have no major complaints about school, and I do not wish to act on my trivial displeasures because I chose to go to school, and Allah fulfilled my wishes. I will be grateful and will do my best in my power to achieve my best. Alhamdulillah, so far, my efforts have paid off, but I will remind myself, continuously, that grades are not everything.
Also, yesterday was the second time I listened to Ustazah Liyana’s live discussion on Instagram, and I must say, I truly, absolutely love her. She’s so lovely and extremely down to earth, she’s extremely raw, she’s not afraid of sharing her flaws, she discusses somewhat ‘taboo’ topics in Islam – for instance, love, which she mentioned is a topic she adores talking about, and, for lack of a better term, she stoops to our level, which makes me see her as a friend and fellow human who understands, more than a teacher, who, more often than not, come off as superior. I’m going to keep watching her live videos and perhaps, even watch her discussions in person.
Actually, I came to WordPress for a different reason. My skin condition has been taking a toll on my emotional well-being, and try as I might to be accepting of it, it really isn’t easy. I’m not going to go into the whole pep talk on beauty because I’ve done it before. And while I do not care for a moment about the external appearance of other people and see beauty in everyone, because surely, everyone is beautiful in their own way, I cannot say the same for myself. Indeed, we are our own worst critic. But the worst part for me is that the effort invested into controlling/curing it doesn’t seem to pay off. I took antibiotics for about two years (on and off), I use different facial washes, apply different sorts of creams and gels, but none seem to be working and they’re burning a hole in my parents’ pockets, which, really, is so sad. What’s worse is my sister and younger brother also have problematic skin. Treatment and medication for skin conditions are EXPENSIVE. Anyway, I’ve finally stopped taking antibiotics and just today was prescribed isotretinoin, which is a ‘higher level’ acne medication. In a sense, it’s riskier than antibiotics but I’m willing to risk it because antibiotics aren’t working anymore. Acne is painful and acne bloody sucks, but I have to remember that acne – the fact that I have acne – was willed by Allah. And Allah is my creator. So I will trust Him.
Yesterday, my mother told me that my father said we (as in my sister and I), must inform our potential spouses, whoever they may be, of our skin condition and let them decide whether they want to go ahead with getting to know us (i.e. eventually marrying). When I heard that I felt so criticised because, at that moment, I thought, “Oh, so if we have acne, it makes us less worthy of love?”. But I know how acne is like any other diseases – diabetes, eczema, pneumonia, what have you. I understand that. But I want to know, do we actually need to let other people know if we have some type of disease, whatever they may be? Is it only fair that we do that? I’m not saying we have to keep them in the dark, because honestly, I would let other people know, but I would say it as a fact, because it is a fact about me, much like telling others I love to cook, I’m studying Social Work, so on and so forth. At the same time, I can understand why my parents would say that because, for one, I surely do not want my child to experience the skin conditions I’m experiencing. I know how sad, how frustrating, how emotionally painful it can be. And at the same time, I feel like it isn’t fair because I want to get married and I want to have children. I don’t know, perhaps it’s due to the way I’m brought up? You have to understand that I am prone to all sorts of skin conditions, not just acne. I also have eczema and I’m prone to allergies. Please help ): Let me know what you think.
Lots of love,